Category: Cancer Talk

My big sister Dana passed away from stage 4 lung cancer on November 9th 2019.   She was 65 years old.  It was a shock to anyone who really knew Dana as she was truly larger than life.   Ironically Dana never smoked a cigarette a day in her life…

And as what usually happens after we lose a loved one, we often think about what we would say to them if we even had just 1 more day…The following is what I would say…I purposely chose to express myself in the form of a letter though as Dana was instrumental in encouraging all of her siblings to make good use of the written word – whether it was by writing letters to her when she was stationed at Pope Air Force Base wayyyy back in the day, sending heartfelt thank you cards to family members for birthday or holiday gifts received, or writing witty post cards from their own travel adventures.   Here I go…

Dear Dana,

I truly believe that you are the strongest woman I have ever known in the 57 years I have been on this earth.  I distinctly remember watching you (when I was a just a little girl) navigate your way through life.  You had 6 brothers and sisters all younger than you, yet you somehow managed to do a remarkable job babysitting us while still figuring out what you had to do to manage your own up and coming existence.  You were exactly 8 years older than me but it may as well had been a lifetime for all that you seemed to possess in the way of knowledge and from what very little I knew…

At night I would lay on the top bunk of my twin bed (which I shared with our sister Elena) and marvel at the “bedtime stories” you shared with us.  I hung onto your every word although I honestly did not “get” what you were saying (smile).

You were a remarkable storyteller, taking Elena and I from the craziness of your junior high and high school worlds in Groton, CT to the mysteries of wide world events.  I must admit, the wide world events you told us about really scared the heck out of me (why would anyone want to bomb anyone?!?) I would think, finding it hard to go to sleep.

Dana I also remember when you left our home at the tender age of 18 (with your red Samsonite luggage in tow) to make your way out into the world.  You chose to enroll in the United States Air Force.  I was all of 10 then and admired your decisiveness and bravery.  You made a promise to all of us that once you got yourself settled and bought your first home, you would come back each Summer (to Groton, Connecticut from Fayettville, North Carolina) and pick one of us up to spend the entire Summer with you.  I would have been 16 but I ended up being 15 when it was my turn to go (something came up for Elena that Summer so she could not take her turn).  I was never so excited that year as I had not experienced much in the way of travel.   As you very well know, Growing up Hollis (family of 9) we would (in our two-toned station wagon) regularly visit our cousins in Newport RI, and sometimes visit our paternal Grandfather in Niagara Falls, NY, and/or our paternal Grandmother in Newark, NJ.   That was the extent of our travel so Fayettville, North Carolina was a real treat and a completely different way of life which I’m still thanking you for.   I learned a lot those two summers down South and grew in so many ways.

By the time you completed your stint in the Air Force and moved back to Connecticut,  you were now married to former Air Force Sargent Clifford Babb and had 2 young children – Keedah and Ahmad.  This was my first real experience at being an Aunt so while you were busy working full-time on the 3rd Shift at Electric Boat in Groton, CT, taking courses part-time at UNH in West Haven (Groton campus) and being a full-time wife and mother, I would help you out where I could in the babysitting department.  I was in high school then so I too had an inordinate amount of energy (smile).

After your employment at Electric Boat ended, you relocated to Baltimore, MD where you worked for a number of good companies:  PharmaKinetics, KPMG Peat Marwick and finally Enron (before the collapse) where you would travel back and forth to Enron’s headquarters in Houston, Texas living out your dreams.

I had graduated from college at this point so me, our late mother Jean, our sister Casandra, my girlfriends Sherry and Thais, their mother Yvonne and my girlfriend Gina would “shoot” up and down the highway from Connecticut to Maryland in the Summers to enjoy long weekends with you and the family which mostly included a Crab Feast to Nowhere Baltimore Crab Feast!

We got to know downtown Baltimore very well because of you Dana and really enjoyed our time in that part of the country (smile).

Dana,  you had a sixth sense and were way ahead of your time as I distinctly remember you talking to us about how you had to get out of Enron years after you started as you feared something terrible was about to happen.  Being the big- hearted person you were, you tried real hard to convince your co-workers to leave with you but no one took you seriously…

Being the go-getter that you were, you quickly obtained new employment out of state as an Independent Contractor with New Jersey Transit Authority.  It was here where you worked your way up to  Project Manager and spent the next 17 years honing a lifetime of skills and finally performing the gratifiying and rewarding work you were made for.

Dana, you lived in a beautiful apartment home in Newark, NJ the first half of your career so me and the family were also able to witness the true gentifrication of the City of Newark.  We had visited Newark long ago when we were children so we  were all completely surprised by the ‘new’ Newark (smile).

You then purchased a large home in Hillside, NJ so that your daughter and 4 grandchildren (whom two you now had custody of) would all live in one place and belong to a better school system.

Dana, your life was extraordinarily busy in New Jersey as now you were working full time at New Jersey Transit Authority; regularly taking Continuing Education courses in your industry in various states; raising your 4 grandchildren; working on Concrete Roses and Boys to Men: the Summer programs for At Risk Teenagers you both founded and directed; volunteering at your AME Church; doing travel consulting on the side with Cruise Planners – The Yellow Brick Road; etc., so we were only able to get together with you and your family maybe 3 or 4 times a year (at combined birthdays and holidays).   We made the best of what family time we had together though didn’t we:  often sharing pictures from our own individual adventures or telling stories about shared family history over meals.

Dana I must say I’ll never forget the weekend of July 4th 2018 as God called and directed me to have a family barbeque at me and James’s house in Connecticut where we were to celebrate all of the Summer birthdays for the months of June, July and August (as well as Father’s Day).  Your birthday was on June 19th so you were included in this joint celebration.   I remember you sending Amazon box after Amazon box to our house well in advance of the date just to make sure you did not forget anyone.   You had such a big heart and truly took the time out to pick out gifts that the person would never look to return (smile).  Everything, and I mean everything fell into place on that fateful day…

I did not of course know that you would be gone the following year but I did notice that you seemed awfully tired that day and not your normal energetic self…

What happened to you between October 2018 and October 2019 was a flurry of emergency room visits, hospital stays, surgeries, rehabilitation visits, at-home care, chemo treatments and such.  Me, my brother Michael, my sister Casandra and our Dad Jonie B., would visit you in New Jersey as often as we could and once there, try and make it the best day it could possibly be.

We also supplemented those in-person visits to New Jersey over all of those months with weekly family calls so that we could all stay connected.  You’ll be happy to hear that we decided those family calls should not go away but continue, as they truly help us all cope.

Dana I love you and want you to know that I truly believe you are in a much better place where there is no more anguish and no more pain, just lots of joy and, not to mention, family reunions.

P.S.  Here is your obituary – it was truly a labor of love that me, your daughter Keedah, our sister Casandra and your granddaughter Rashidah all collaborated on – please cut, copy and paste onto your browser to enjoy:

https://www.honoryou.com/programs/PDF/191123do.pdf

You’ll also be equally happy to hear that your brother Michael delivered your Eulogy on Saturday,  November 23rd to a packed house with a not a dry eye in sight!

Love your baby sister Lajeune